Sitting here trying to get my, our day started and feeling totally and completely overwhelmed with life. I don't even know that "overwhelmed" is a strong enough word. I feel like I'm in the middle of the ocean and it's thunderstorming on top of me.Or it could be the fact that it's August, school has started, and I feel like I'm being pulled in every direction by not only my 4 kids who need me, but my husband as well. On top of the already overwhelming duties of laundry, cleaning, cooking, buying groceries and trying to maintain our home to my expectation....and then each and every time I turn around I feel as though our 7,5,3, and 2 year old have terrorized and have undone everything I've worked so hard at during the day. And then I feel like I haven't done anything right for the day, and my goal of making it look like I'm cool as a cucumber, when really I feel like the heat has gotten to me. To top it off, my kids watch way too much TV, and I have to repeat myself atleast 3 times to get my kids to listen to me-I yell a lot, I mean ALOT. I ask myself have I hit that point, that spiraling point where I've lost all control, what am I doing here?

Each and every time I sit down to do something, and that something could be anything, I can't seem to get anything done. My mind just wanders from priority #1, to #2, and so on, and then I begin to beat myself up for everything that (in my mind) has gone wrong for the day, and then panic, or anxiety sets in, and its an evil, gut wrenching feeling that comes all too often....FAIL. I've failed....I've failed myself, our kids, our home, my husband, my family. Repeat those feelings countless number of times, daily, and weekly. Oh the pressure...to keep it all together, or atleast make it look like I've kept it together. On days like this, while I know I have things to do, that must be done, all I want to do is crawl under my bed covers and hide.

Moving along.....

I'm so happy with how the first week of school has gone for Dylan and Brooklyn. Dylan adjusts pretty easy to any new issue, and Brooklyn is doing great! Each morning when getting ready for school she's a bit timid to start, but once we get to school and she sees her teacher, all is well, and she can't get to her class fast enough....relief!